Christian Dating Deal Breakers: What to Look for and What to Avoid
Alright, my fellow Christian singletons, let’s talk about the rollercoaster ride that is Christian dating. Picture this: you’re trying to find your God-sent soulmate while dodging all the frogs that come your way. Sounds fun, right?
Well, buckle up, in this article, we’ll dive into the most common Christian dating deal breakers that you need to keep an eye on while searching for your holy better half.
So, grab a cup of coffee, say a quick prayer, and let’s dive into this crazy world of Christian dating together!
Deal Breaker #1: He or She Doesn’t See Their Own Drawbacks
So, you’re dating someone who appears to be perfect—at least in their own eyes. They strut around like the king or queen of the world, seemingly unaware of their own shortcomings.
Hold up, though—nobody’s perfect, right? If your partner can’t recognize their own flaws, you’ve stumbled upon a major Christian dating deal breaker.
The Pitfall of Self-Delusion: Why It Matters
Self-awareness is a cornerstone of emotional intelligence and personal growth. If your partner can’t face their own weaknesses, it’s a sign that they may struggle to grow as an individual and as a partner in a Christ-centered relationship.
In Romans 3:23, the Bible tells us, “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” If your partner can’t acknowledge their own imperfections, they’re essentially ignoring a fundamental truth of the Christian faith.
The Mirror Test: Evaluating Your Partner’s Self-Awareness
So how can you determine if your partner is blind to their own drawbacks? Look out for these warning signs:
- Defensiveness: They get upset or defensive when you gently point out areas for improvement.
- Never apologizing: They have a hard time admitting when they’re wrong or saying they’re sorry.
- Blaming others: They consistently attribute their problems or failures to external factors, never accepting personal responsibility.
Moving Forward: Encouraging Growth and Humility in Your Relationship
If you’ve identified this deal breaker in your partner, it’s time to consider whether they’re willing to change and grow. Encourage open, honest conversations about personal growth, and share your own struggles and weaknesses as well.
Remember, as it says in Proverbs 27:17, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” A strong, Christ-centered relationship requires both partners to help each other grow in self-awareness and humility.
Don’t Settle for a Partner Who Can’t Face Their Flaws
When it comes to Christian dating, don’t compromise on this critical aspect of personal growth.
A relationship thrives when both partners can humbly acknowledge their shortcomings and work together to grow closer to Christ.
Hold out for someone who’s willing to face their flaws and join you on the journey of spiritual and personal growth.
Deal Breaker #2: Your Partner Has Little or No Empathy
Here’s someone who claims to be all about that Christian life, but their emotional radar is as accurate as a weather forecast from 1985.
Yeah, I’m talking about that person who can’t seem to wrap their head around the idea of caring about other people’s feelings.
Welcome to the craptastic world of where your partner has the empathy of a rock.
What Empathy Is and Why It Matters
Empathy is the ability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes, to feel their pain, their joy, and everything in between.
It’s the secret sauce that allows you to connect with others on a deeper level and offer support when they need it most.
In a healthy Christian relationship, empathy is a must-have because it reflects Christ’s love and compassion for humanity.
Remember that good ol’ golden rule from the Bible? “Do to others as you would have them do to you” (Luke 6:31). Well, empathy is the foundation of that rule.
It’s about understanding and valuing the emotions of others, even if you haven’t experienced their exact situation.
How to Show Empathy in a Healthy Christian Relationship
Now, let’s talk about how to flex your empathy muscles in a relationship. First, practice active listening. When your partner talks, really tune in and try to understand their perspective.
As James 1:19 says, “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.”
Next, validate their feelings. Let them know that it’s okay to feel the way they do and that their emotions are important to you. After all, Romans 12:15 reminds us to “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.”
Finally, offer support and encouragement. Sometimes, your partner might just need a shoulder to cry on or someone to cheer them on in their endeavors. As 1 Thessalonians 5:11 advises, “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.”
Don’t Settle for an Empathy-Free Zone
If you find yourself in a relationship with someone who has the empathy of a brick wall, it’s time to reconsider whether this person is truly aligned with your values and needs.
A partner who can’t empathize is likely to struggle with truly loving and supporting you through life’s ups and downs.
As 1 Peter 3:8-9 states, “Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult.
On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.”
Remember, you deserve a partner who can truly walk in your shoes and love you with the compassion and empathy that Christ showed to others. Don’t settle for anything less.
Deal Breaker #3: Your Partner Has to Have Their Way
Alright, so let’s say you’re seeing someone who seems like a great catch. They’re charming, they’re kind-hearted, and they’re really into their faith.
But then you notice that they’ve got this weird obsession with always getting their way. Like, every time there’s a decision to be made, they’re always the one steering the ship, and you’re left feeling like you’re just along for the ride.
Welcome to the infuriating world of Deal Breaker Number Three: the partner who’s gotta have it their way or the highway.
The Importance of Compromise and Negotiation
Look, relationships are like a dance—a beautiful, sometimes awkward, but always collaborative dance.
And if one partner is constantly trying to lead without giving the other a chance, well, that dance is going to look more like a train wreck than a graceful waltz.
Compromise and negotiation are the keys to making any relationship work, whether it’s deciding where to go for dinner or how to raise your future kids.
The Bible is full of wisdom about the value of compromise and collaboration. Take Philippians 2:3-4, for example: “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit.
Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”
In other words, a successful relationship requires putting your partner’s needs and desires on equal footing with your own.
How to Address the “My Way or the Highway” Mentality
So, what do you do if you’re dating someone who’s always gotta have their way? First, address the issue head-on.
Talk to your partner about how their behavior is making you feel and emphasize the importance of compromise in a healthy relationship.
As Ephesians 4:25 says, “Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body.”
Next, practice asserting your needs and desires. It can be scary to stand up for yourself, especially if you’re worried about rocking the boat, but remember that you have a right to be heard and respected in your relationship.
As Galatians 6:5 reminds us, “For each one should carry their own load.”
Finally, work together to find solutions that make both of you happy. This might mean taking turns choosing date night activities or finding a middle ground on bigger issues like where to live or how to handle finances.
As Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 says, “Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.”
Don’t Settle for a Dictatorship
If you find yourself in a relationship with someone who’s always gotta have their way, it’s time to take a good, hard look at whether this person is truly the right fit for you.
Remember, a healthy, Christ-centered relationship is built on mutual respect, collaboration, and compromise. Don’t settle for a dictatorship when you deserve a partnership.
Deal Breaker #4: He or She is Unforgiving
So, you’ve found someone who checks all the boxes: they’re attractive, they share your faith, and they can quote the entire book of Psalms while doing a handstand.
But there’s just one teensy little issue—this person is about as forgiving as a charging rhino. That’s right, folks, welcome to the soul-crushing world of Deal Breaker Number Three: the unforgiving partner.
The Art of Forgiveness in Relationships
Let’s face it, we’re all human, and we all make mistakes. And in relationships, those mistakes can sometimes feel like a sucker punch right to the gut.
But the thing is, forgiveness is a vital part of any healthy, Christ-centered partnership. Why? Because holding onto grudges and resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to drop dead.
The Bible is pretty clear on the importance of forgiveness. In Matthew 6:14-15, Jesus himself says, “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.
But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” So yeah, it’s kind of a big deal.
How to Cultivate Forgiveness in Your Relationship
If you’re dating someone who’s about as forgiving as a steel trap, it’s time to have a little heart-to-heart. Start by sharing how their unforgiving attitude is affecting you and the relationship.
As Proverbs 27:6 says, “Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.”
Next, practice forgiveness together. This might mean letting go of past hurts, apologizing for your own mistakes, and working together to rebuild trust.
Remember the words of Colossians 3:13: “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”
Finally, make a commitment to approach future conflicts with grace and understanding. This means taking a deep breath, reminding yourself that nobody’s perfect, and choosing to forgive your partner, even when it feels like the hardest thing in the world.
As Ephesians 4:32 reminds us, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
Don’t Settle for a Stone-Cold Grudge Holder
If you find yourself in a relationship with someone who’s more interested in holding grudges than extending grace, it’s time to take a long, hard look at your future together.
A healthy, Christ-centered relationship is built on forgiveness, understanding, and the willingness to let go of past hurts.
Don’t settle for a partner who’s stuck in a never-ending loop of bitterness and resentment—you deserve better.
Deal Breaker #5: He or She Does Not Speak the Truth
They’re easy on the eyes, they share your faith, and they can sing “Amazing Grace” better than your church choir.
But there’s a pesky little problem—this person has a complicated relationship with the truth. Yep, your partner thinks honesty is more of a suggestion than a requirement.
The Truth Will Set You Free (And Keep Your Relationship Healthy)
Honesty is the backbone of any healthy, Christ-centered relationship. Without it, you’ve got nothing but a shaky foundation built on lies, half-truths, and hidden agendas.
The Bible doesn’t mince words when it comes to the importance of honesty. Proverbs 12:22 states, “The Lord detests lying lips, but he delights in people who are trustworthy.”
Truth-telling isn’t just about keeping your conscience clean; it’s also about fostering trust, respect, and intimacy in your relationship.
As Ephesians 4:25 says, “Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body.”
Navigating the Murky Waters of Dishonesty
So, what do you do if you’re dating someone who’s more Pinocchio than Prince Charming? First, call out the dishonesty.
Talk to your partner about how their lack of truthfulness is affecting your relationship and your trust in them. Remember Proverbs 27:5: “Better is open rebuke than hidden love.”
Next, establish clear expectations for honesty in your relationship. This might mean setting boundaries around lying or creating a safe space for open and honest communication.
As 2 Corinthians 8:21 advises, “For we are taking pains to do what is right, not only in the eyes of the Lord but also in the eyes of man.”
Finally, be a role model for honesty. Show your partner what it looks like to be truthful, vulnerable, and authentic in your relationship.
As 1 Peter 2:12 says, “Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us.”
Don’t Settle for a Pants-on-Fire Partner
If you find yourself in a relationship with someone who treats the truth like an optional extra, it’s time to hit the brakes and reassess your future together.
A healthy, Christ-centered relationship is built on honesty, trust, and the courage to speak the truth, even when it’s uncomfortable.
Don’t settle for a partner who keeps you guessing—hold out for someone who knows that the truth is the only way to a truly amazing love story.
Deal Breaker #6: He or She is Selfish and Doesn’t Think About Others
Do you have a partner who’s got a “me, myself, and I” mentality? This person seems fantastic on paper, but they’re about as self-centered as a spinning top.
And let me tell you, in a Christ-centered relationship, that kind of selfishness is like a ticking time bomb.
Selflessness: The Secret Ingredient for a Healthy Relationship
In any healthy, Christ-centered relationship, selflessness should be the name of the game.
After all, Jesus himself taught us the importance of putting others first when he said, “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends” (John 15:13).
And while you probably won’t need to literally lay down your life for your partner (unless you’re into some seriously dangerous hobbies), the principle still holds true—relationships thrive when we prioritize our partner’s needs above our own.
How to Combat Selfishness in Your Relationship
So, what do you do if you’re dating someone who’s all about numero uno? First things first, have an honest conversation about how their selfish behavior is affecting you and the relationship.
As Proverbs 28:23 says, “Whoever rebukes a person will in the end gain favor rather than one who has a flattering tongue.”
Next, work together to cultivate a spirit of selflessness in your relationship. This might mean setting aside your own desires to support your partner, practicing active listening, or finding ways to serve one another.
Remember Philippians 2:3-4: “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”
Finally, be a role model for selflessness. Show your partner what it looks like to put others first and demonstrate the kind of love and care that Jesus exemplified.
As 1 John 3:18 reminds us, “Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.”
Don’t Settle for a Self-Centered Sweetheart
If you find yourself in a relationship with someone who’s more focused on themselves than on building a Christ-centered partnership, it’s time to take a step back and reevaluate.
Remember, a healthy relationship is built on selflessness, sacrifice, and a mutual commitment to one another’s well-being.
Don’t settle for a partner who’s only looking out for number one—you deserve someone who’s ready and willing to go the extra mile for you and your relationship.
Deal Breaker #7: He or She is Greedy and Materialistic
Pop quiz: What’s worse than a partner who’s all about me, myself, and I? Answer: A partner who’s all about me, myself, and my brand-new luxury car.
In a Christ-centered relationship, this kind of attitude is like trying to build a house on a foundation of sand—it just doesn’t work.
The Problem with Materialism in a Christian Relationship
You don’t have to be a biblical scholar to know that Jesus wasn’t exactly a fan of materialism. In fact, he had some pretty harsh words for those who put their wealth and possessions above their love for God and others.
Remember the warning in Matthew 6:24: “No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.”
In a Christ-centered relationship, both partners should be focused on cultivating a life of faith, love, and service—not on chasing after the latest gadgets, designer clothes, or luxury vacations.
How to Address Greed and Materialism in Your Relationship
If you’re dating someone who’s more interested in accumulating stuff than growing in their relationship with God, it’s time to have a serious chat.
Start by discussing how their materialistic mindset is affecting your relationship and your shared faith journey.
As Proverbs 15:31 says, “Whoever heeds life-giving correction will be at home among the wise.”
Next, work together to refocus your priorities on the things that truly matter. This might mean setting a budget that prioritizes giving and service, or finding ways to invest your time and energy in your faith community.
As Colossians 3:2 advises, “Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.”
Finally, be a role model for contentment and generosity. Show your partner what it looks like to live a life that’s centered on God and others, rather than on accumulating material possessions.
Remember the words of 1 Timothy 6:18: “Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share.”
Don’t Settle for a Materialistic Mate
If you find yourself in a relationship with someone who’s more interested in the pursuit of wealth than the pursuit of God, it’s time to take a hard look at your future together.
A healthy, Christ-centered relationship is built on a shared commitment to a life of faith, love, and service—not on the accumulation of material goods.
Hold out for a partner who’s ready to put God first and watch your relationship flourish.
Deal Breaker #8: He or She is Full of Pride
What if someone who’s got an ego the size of Mount Everest? It’s a challenging place to be, especially when you’re trying to build a Christ-centered relationship…
…with someone who’s too busy admiring their own reflection to notice anyone else.
The Problem with Pride in a Christian Relationship
Pride is like the silent killer of healthy relationships. It sneaks in, takes root, and slowly but surely erodes the foundation of trust, humility, and mutual respect that every Christ-centered partnership needs to thrive.
In the Bible, pride is consistently portrayed as a destructive force that separates us from God and others. Proverbs 16:18 warns, “Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.”
In a Christian relationship, both partners should be focused on cultivating humility and a genuine, selfless love for one another—not on puffing themselves up or seeking their own glory.
How to Address Pride in Your Relationship
If you’re dating someone who’s more in love with themselves than they are with you, it’s time to get real about the impact of pride on your relationship.
Begin by having an open conversation about how their prideful behavior is affecting your connection and your shared faith journey.
As Ephesians 4:15 reminds us, “Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.”
Next, work together to cultivate a spirit of humility in your relationship. This might mean practicing active listening, being willing to admit when you’re wrong, or seeking out opportunities to serve one another.
As Philippians 2:3 says, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.”
Finally, be a role model for humility and selflessness. Show your partner what it looks like to live a life that’s focused on loving and serving others, rather than seeking your own praise or recognition.
Jesus himself set the ultimate example of humility in Philippians 2:8, “And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death—even death on a cross!”
Don’t Settle for a Prideful Partner
If you find yourself in a relationship with someone who’s more interested in feeding their own ego than nurturing a Christ-centered connection, it’s time to take a step back and reevaluate.
A healthy relationship is built on humility, selflessness, and a mutual commitment to love and serve one another.
Don’t settle for a partner who’s blinded by their own pride—hold out for someone who’s ready to walk the path of humility with you.
Deal Breaker #9: He or She Doesn’t Surrender to Lord Christ
Many a time, as you peel back the layers, you realize that while the person who seemed to have got it all and claimed Jesus as their Savior, they haven’t quite made Him their Lord.
You’re left wondering if this person is genuinely surrendered to Christ and if they can lead you in a Christ-centered relationship.
The Critical Difference: Savior vs. Lord
Acknowledging Jesus as Savior means professing faith in Him, but embracing Him as Lord means truly submitting to His authority in every aspect of life.
As a Christian dating and relationship expert, I can’t stress enough the importance of this distinction. A Christ-centered relationship thrives when both partners surrender their lives to the Lord.
Signs That Your Partner Hasn’t Made Christ Their Lord
To figure out if your partner is truly surrendered to Christ, watch out for these red flags:
- Lack of obedience: They might claim to be a believer, but when God calls them to act, they choose their own way instead.
- Spiritual stagnation: They’re not actively pursuing a deeper relationship with the Lord, and they remain complacent in their faith.
- Inability to lead spiritually: If they’re not submitted to Christ, how can they lead you and your future family in a Christ-centered life?
Remember, Ephesians 5:23 says, “For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.”
If your partner refuses to submit to Christ, their ability to lead your household spiritually will be severely hindered.
Navigating the Road Ahead: Choosing a Partner Who Surrenders to Christ
If you’re serious about building a Christ-centered relationship, don’t settle for someone who hasn’t made Jesus their Lord.
Instead, seek a partner who is genuinely committed to living a life that honors Christ and is willing to lead you and your future family in the faith.
Proverbs 3:5-6 encourages us, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”
By choosing a partner who submits to Christ, you can walk together on the straight path toward a spiritually fulfilling relationship.
Don’t Compromise on Spiritual Leadership
In the end, choosing a partner who hasn’t surrendered to Christ as their Lord can lead to a shaky spiritual foundation for your relationship.
Don’t compromise on this crucial aspect of your faith journey. Hold out for someone who’s ready to submit to Christ and join you in pursuing a deeply rooted, Christ-centered life together.
So there you have it! We’ve explored the nitty-gritty of Christian dating deal breakers, and now you’re armed with the knowledge to conquer the dating scene like a pro—or, at least, not have a series of painful heartbreaks.
With these deal breakers in your back pocket and your trust in God leading the way, you’ll be ready to dodge the frogs and find your one true, faith-filled love.
Amen to that!
