Love, Patience & Purity: When Your Christian Partner Wants to Have Sex

Love, relationship, romance – sounds like the plot of a bestselling novel, doesn’t it? But we’re not talking about fiction here. We’re talking about real life, where the plot twists are unpredictable, the characters are not always perfect, and the endings are not always happily-ever-after. Now add a Christian perspective to the mix, and you’ve got yourself quite a story.

One of the major plot twists, especially for Christian couples, is the issue of sexual desire before marriage. No one said dating as a Christian is a walk in the park, but here’s a tough question for you – what do you do when your Christian boyfriend starts losing patience, wanting to hit the fast-forward button on physical intimacy? That’s right, we’re going there.

We’re not shying away from this, folks, because we believe in addressing real, challenging issues that affect Christian relationships. It’s a thorny path, but we’ll walk it together, and by the grace of God, we’ll find our way.

We’ll explore the Christian perspective on premarital sex, understand sexual desires, empathize with your partner’s struggle, and delve into how to build a relationship beyond physical intimacy.

a woman licking on a lollipop

From Genesis to Revelation: Unpacking the Bible’s Take on Pre-Marital Hanky Panky

Alright, first thing’s first, I am not here to beat around the bush. We’re talking about the Bible’s perspective on premarital sex. You know what they say, “The truth will set you free,” right? Well, when it comes to sex before marriage, the Bible doesn’t exactly play coy. Hebrews 13:4 gives it to us straight: “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure…” No ‘ifs,’ ‘ands,’ or ‘buts,’ my friend.

Now, let’s dive a little deeper into the value of sexual purity in Christian teaching. I can hear you thinking, “Why is it so important to remain pure?” Well, it’s like this: Consider your favorite chocolate chip cookie recipe. Imagine it has only the freshest, top-quality ingredients. Now picture using expired milk in your recipe. Would you want that cookie? Didn’t think so!

FURTHER READ: A Christian Guide to Loving Your Boyfriend

This is how Christian teaching views sexual purity – as a precious ingredient to a healthy, God-honoring marriage. “Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body” (1 Corinthians 6:18). In other words, keeping that ingredient fresh and untainted (read: your virginity) until you’re officially hitched is the secret sauce to a satisfying love cookie…erm, relationship!

Now, why is the Church so stern on this matter? Think of it as a protective parent, warning you not to touch a hot stove. It knows the potential hurt, the deep-rooted pain, and the possible chaos. The Church, just like our Father, wants the best for us. God designed sex as a beautiful act of love within the safety of marriage, not as a potential heartache. Can I get an Amen?

Join OTGateway Letters
Short epistles on love, dating & relationships.

Remember what 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 says: “It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God.” Now, isn’t that some divine wisdom to live by?

The Birds, the Bees, and the Believers: Unraveling the Mysteries of Christian Sexuality

Okay, let’s cut to the chase. Sex isn’t a dirty word. Yes, I said it. In fact, I’ll say it again for the people in the back – sex is not a dirty word! Now, I’m not suggesting we all run out and become liberated free-loving hippies. What I am saying is that it’s totally natural to have sexual desires. Yes, even us Christians. Crazy, right?

Ever heard of a guy named King Solomon? He was a bit of a love guru in his time, and he certainly knew a thing or two about desire. Remember his saucy love letter, aka the Song of Solomon? One minute he’s comparing his love to a mare (Song of Solomon 1:9), and the next, he’s swooning over her hair, teeth, and temples (Song of Solomon 6:5-7). Talk about steamy Old Testament text!

However, here’s where things get a tad bit tricky. Lust and love – they’re not twins, folks. They’re not even distant cousins. Lust is more like the annoying third cousin twice removed, showing up at your family reunion uninvited.

You see, lust is all about self-gratification. It’s the ‘I want’ without the ‘I care.’ Love, on the other hand, well that’s a different story. It’s patient, it’s kind, it doesn’t envy, it doesn’t boast…you know the drill (1 Corinthians 13:4-7). Love cares more about the other person than it does about what the other person can offer.

FURTHER READ: Can a Christian Guy and Girl Be Just Friends?

But guess what? We can’t just shove these feelings under the rug and pretend they don’t exist. That’s where healthy sexual conversations come into play. Yup, it’s time to sit down and have the ‘talk.’ Not the “where do babies come from” talk. I mean the “how can we navigate our sexual desires while honoring God and each other” talk. It’s not a one-time thing either; it’s an ongoing, open, and honest dialogue.

Remember Proverbs 15:22? “Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed.” A good heart-to-heart can save a lot of misunderstandings and strengthen your relationship in the process. And don’t be afraid to involve a trusted spiritual advisor or mentor in these conversations. They’ve likely been around the block a time or two and can offer a wealth of wisdom.

Practicing the “P” Word: Patience, Purity, and Waiting for the Prize

Patience. Now, there’s a fun word, am I right? Okay, okay, before you roll your eyes and click away, let me drop some truth bombs. Patience isn’t just sitting idly by, twiddling your thumbs, waiting for God to drop a perfect relationship into your lap. It’s about developing trust, understanding, and – wait for it – love.

Remember our dear friend Paul? Well, that guy knew a thing or two about patience. The dude was shipwrecked, bitten by a snake, thrown in prison…and still managed to write half of the New Testament! If that’s not patience, I don’t know what is. In his letter to the Romans, he told them to “be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer” (Romans 12:12). I don’t think he meant that only for when you’re shipwrecked or snake-bitten, though. It sounds like pretty solid relationship advice, too.

Now, how does patience build a strong relationship foundation? Easy peasy! Patience allows us to wait, and while we wait, we learn. We learn about each other, about God, and about ourselves. We learn to communicate, to compromise, and to care deeply for one another. Patience turns that puppy love into a mature, enduring love. The kind that makes you say, “I do.”

FURTHER READ: What is Agape Christian Love?

But here’s the kicker – patience isn’t the same as instant gratification. That’s right, my love-struck friend. If patience is a slow-cooked, tender, flavorful roast, then instant gratification is a microwaved TV dinner. Sure, it’s quick, it’s easy, but does it satisfy? Not for long.

Instant gratification might sound appealing, but in the long run, it lacks depth, flavor, and nourishment. Just like our pal Paul once wrote to the Corinthians, “Love is patient, love is kind” (1 Corinthians 13:4). He didn’t say, “Love is hasty, love is eager.”

Remember, the real prize isn’t the physical stuff. It’s a loving, God-honoring relationship, one that’s as tasty as that slow-cooked roast I mentioned earlier. So, hang in there, practice the “P” word, and trust me, the wait will be worth it.

Unleashing the Power of the Tongue: Speaking Your Truth in Love

Ever tried to put together a 1000-piece puzzle in the dark? No? Well, neither have I, but I can only imagine it’s a bit like trying to navigate a relationship without communication. Yes, I’m talking about the big “C” word here – Communication. It’s the flashlight that lights up your puzzle-solving endeavours.

See, communication is more than just “I like your haircut” or “What’s for dinner?” It’s about expressing our thoughts, our feelings, our fears, and our desires. And yes, that includes talking about the elephant in the room – sexual expectations.

Do you remember when Jesus said, “For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks” (Matthew 12:34)? That’s what we’re aiming for here – an honest, heart-to-heart discussion about what’s going on inside.

FURTHER READ: The Pressure of Marriage in Christian Dating

Now, I know what you’re thinking, “How do I even start talking about celibacy without making things awkward?” First things first, cut yourself some slack. It’s normal to feel a little uneasy. But here’s the thing – your commitment to celibacy isn’t something you need to apologize for or shy away from.

It’s like telling your partner you’re allergic to cats when they’re a self-proclaimed ‘cat person.’ It might be a hard conversation, but it’s an essential one. Your commitment to celibacy is a part of who you are and what you believe. Communicate that openly, honestly, and respectfully. It’s not a compromise; it’s a cornerstone.

And what about misunderstandings and misconceptions? Welcome to the club, my friend. The “lost in translation” club, that is. We’ve all been there. It’s part of being human. But don’t fret, you’ve got the best tool in your arsenal – open and ongoing communication.

Consider Proverbs 18:21, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue…” Your words have power – to clarify, to educate, to reconcile. When misunderstandings crop up, don’t sweep them under the rug. Address them head-on. Ask for clarification, explain your perspective, and always, always, always do it in love.

In the end, communication in a relationship is like that flashlight I mentioned earlier. It won’t solve the puzzle for you, but it sure makes finding the right pieces a whole lot easier!

There’s No “I” in Empathy: Unpacking His Struggle

Stepping into someone else’s shoes isn’t just for improv actors. It’s a key part of empathy, that wonderful ability to understand and share the feelings of others. And guess what? It’s just as essential in relationships.

Yes, you’re committed to celibacy, and that’s a beautiful thing. But remember, this isn’t a solo journey; it’s a duet. And your partner? Well, he’s got feelings, too.

Let’s get something straight here. Recognizing his struggle doesn’t mean giving up on your commitment. Not at all. But it does mean acknowledging that he might be wrestling with some pretty tough feelings.

FURTHER READ: Loving God vs Loving Your Spouse?

Hormones are no joke. Just ask any teenager or pregnant woman. They can stir up all kinds of emotions, from frustration and confusion to longing and desire. So, when your boyfriend says he’s struggling, understand that it’s not just a whim. It’s a genuine struggle.

But how do you empathize without compromising your beliefs? Simple. By listening, acknowledging, and validating. Let him know you understand his feelings are real and intense. You don’t have to agree with his solution to validate his emotions. A little bit of compassion can go a long way in strengthening your bond.

Supporting him doesn’t mean giving in, either. It means helping him navigate his feelings in a way that aligns with both your values. Pray together. Seek guidance from a trusted mentor. Remind each other of why you chose celibacy in the first place.

As Galatians 6:2 tells us, “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” So, while this may be his struggle, it’s your shared journey. And that, my friend, is where empathy shines brightest.

From Netflix & Chill to Pray & Connect: Redefining Intimacy

Intimacy. It’s a word that’s often mislabeled and misunderstood. But let’s clear the air – intimacy isn’t just about the physical stuff. It’s about emotional connections, shared experiences, and a deep sense of understanding. So, let’s flip the script on intimacy and explore the rich layers that go beyond the physical.

Ever been so in tune with someone that you finish each other’s sentences? That’s emotional intimacy. It’s like having VIP access to their thoughts and feelings. You know their dreams, their fears, and their favorite pizza topping (pineapple, anyone?). It’s a deep sense of understanding that goes beyond the surface.

But how do you build that? Simple. Share, listen, and validate. Share your thoughts, listen to theirs, and validate each other’s feelings. It’s about being there in times of joy and comfort, and yes, even in those times of ‘I-just-ate-the-last-cookie’ guilt.

Now, spiritual intimacy? That’s the stuff of eternal connections. It’s praying together, growing in faith together, and seeking God’s will together. It’s like a divine glue that binds your souls. And in a Christian relationship, it’s a major #relationshipgoal.

FURTHER READ: Story of David and Bathsheba

Now, let’s talk shared experiences. Shared activities aren’t just for Instagram posts (although, who doesn’t love a good #couplegoals pic?). They’re for building memories, learning about each other, and yes, having fun. Whether it’s a Bible study date or a sweaty hike, shared activities bring you closer together.

Lastly, shared beliefs and values. This is where your deep bond truly forms. It’s like a secret handshake only you two know. Your shared commitment to Christian values not only strengthens your relationship but also serves as a guiding compass through life’s storms.

Remember, “A cord of three strands is not quickly broken” (Ecclesiastes 4:12). In a Christian relationship, those three strands are you, your partner, and God. Together, you’re a mighty team. So, step away from the ‘Netflix and chill’ and towards ‘pray and connect’. Trust me, it’s worth it.

The Boundary Boss: Managing the Passion Playground

Okay, let’s face it. Sexual tension can feel like a ticking time bomb. But instead of panicking, let’s learn to manage it. Because just like any other feeling, it doesn’t have to control us. We can learn to control it. Yes, you heard it right. We are in the driver’s seat, not our hormones.

Now, the first step is to channel that energy elsewhere. Think of it as redirection. Got sexual tension? Redirect it into a hobby, a project, or a workout. Get those endorphins pumping! You’ll be surprised at how much you can achieve when you channel that energy in the right direction. And no, obsessively swiping through his Instagram photos doesn’t count as a hobby.

Next, boundaries. These are the unsung heroes of sexual purity. Boundaries aren’t just lines in the sand; they’re lifebuoys in the ocean of temptation. They protect both of you and help you honor your commitment to celibacy.

Whether it’s avoiding certain activities (hello, late-night movie marathons!) or places (like his ultra-cozy apartment), set boundaries that work for both of you. Be honest, be clear, and be firm. Remember, boundaries are a two-way street. Respect his, and make sure he respects yours. As the saying goes, “Good fences make good neighbors”, and great boundaries make great couples!

FURTHER READ: The Ideal Christian Girlfriend

As for resources, you’ve got options galore. From books and blogs to podcasts and online courses, there’s a treasure trove of wisdom out there. Check out resources like “Boundaries in Dating” by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend, or podcasts like “The Naked Theologian.” They’re like GPS systems for navigating the sometimes-bumpy road of Christian dating.

Remember, it’s not about squashing your feelings, but about managing them in a way that honors God. As 1 Corinthians 10:13 assures us, “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation, he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.”

Help Wanted: Calling All Mentors, Prayers, and Biblical Wisdom!

Feeling like you’re stuck between a rock and a hard place? Maybe it’s time to call in some reinforcements. You know, those wise folks who’ve been down this road a time or two. The spiritual mentors, the prayer warriors, and, of course, our trusty Biblical heroes.

Remember that scene in The Lord of the Rings where Gandalf tells Frodo, “I will help you bear this burden, as long as it is yours to bear”? Well, spiritual mentors are kind of like the Gandalfs of our faith journey. They’ve battled a few Balrogs, they’ve journeyed through deep mines, and they know how to guide us when we’re feeling lost.

Don’t be afraid to share your struggles with a trusted mentor. They can provide insight, wisdom, and a comforting ear. Remember Proverbs 11:14: “Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety.” There’s no shame in seeking advice – it’s a sign of wisdom.

FURTHER READ: 10 Biblical Principles for Successful Christian Dating

What about when it’s just you and God, though? That’s where prayer comes in. Prayer is more than just asking God for stuff (although that’s part of it). It’s about aligning our hearts with His, seeking His will, and finding peace in His presence.

Remember when David was in a tough spot? The guy had a literal army chasing him, yet he prayed, “Show me your ways, Lord, teach me your paths” (Psalm 25:4). Even in the midst of his struggle, David sought God’s guidance. And guess what? We can do the same.

Lastly, let’s not forget the rich tapestry of wisdom we find in the Bible. It’s packed full of people who faced challenges, made tough choices, and sought God’s guidance. From Joseph’s patience to Ruth’s loyalty, from Daniel’s courage to Esther’s bravery – we’ve got a whole crew of spiritual heroes to learn from.

So, when you find yourself facing tough relationship questions, remember that you’re not alone. Reach out to a mentor, pray for wisdom, and dive into the scriptures. You’ve got a spiritual support team ready to help. You’ve just got to make the call!

Patience on the Rocks: Handling the Bumpy Road of Impatience

Welcome to the “what if” section. You know, the part where we discuss the difficult scenarios and tough situations. Like, what if, despite your best efforts to communicate, to be patient, and to remain celibate, he’s still showing signs of impatience?

You’ve probably seen it – the huffs of frustration, the offhand comments, the not-so-subtle hints. You’re not blind, and let’s face it, you’re definitely not dumb. These are signs that your partner might be struggling with impatience and the pressure’s mounting.

You might feel like a deer caught in the headlights, but remember, you’re not defenseless. Dealing with an impatient partner doesn’t mean you need to compromise your beliefs or capitulate to pressure. It means standing your ground with grace and dignity.

FURTHER READ: Christian Dating for Seniors

When tension starts to build, remind him of your shared faith and your commitment to celibacy. Kindly but firmly explain why it’s important to you and why you hope he can respect it. This isn’t about winning an argument; it’s about protecting what you value.

Here’s where the rubber meets the road. What if, despite everything, he’s still impatient? It’s time to pause, take a step back, and consider whether this relationship aligns with your values.

No one said it would be easy, but as James 1:12 promises, “Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.”

Remember, your faith journey is just that – a journey. It’s full of winding paths, steep hills, and yes, the occasional rocky terrain. But it’s your journey, and you’re equipped with the strength, wisdom, and faith to navigate it.

Your Territory, Your Rules: Embracing the Boundaries Bonanza

Let’s clear up a common misconception. “No” isn’t a dirty word. It’s not rude, harsh, or mean. In fact, “no” is one of the most powerful words you can wield in a relationship. Because it’s not just a word, it’s a boundary.

You see, your right to say no is like your superpower. It safeguards your values, protects your integrity, and affirms your self-worth. And in a Christian relationship, it’s the ultimate demonstration of mutual respect and honor.

But here’s the key. Saying no isn’t just about shutting down advances or requests. It’s about drawing a line in the sand that defines your comfort zone. It’s a loud and clear declaration of ‘this is me, these are my values, and this is how I expect to be treated’.

FURTHER READ: What Did Jesus Christ Say About Sex?

Now, onto the respect bit. Respect for personal boundaries isn’t optional; it’s mandatory. Like Batman without Robin or peanut butter without jelly, a relationship without respect is incomplete. If your partner respects you, he’ll respect your boundaries, period.

But how do you establish and communicate these boundaries? Don’t worry; you don’t need a billboard or a skywriter. Just plain, honest, open communication. Sit down with your partner and discuss your boundaries. Be clear, be specific, and be unapologetic.

And remember, actions speak louder than words. Follow through on your boundaries. If you’ve set a boundary, stick to it. Consistency is key in establishing and maintaining boundaries.

Boundaries might seem tricky, but they’re worth it. Like Proverbs 4:23 advises us, “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” Your boundaries help you do just that. They’re your personal guardians, helping you navigate your relationship in a way that aligns with your Christian values.

Glimpses of the Horizon: Charting the Course to Forever

Pause for a moment and imagine you’re embarking on a road trip. You wouldn’t just jump in the car and start driving without a destination in mind, would you? Well, same goes for your relationship. It’s not just about the journey, it’s also about the destination.

Now, when it comes to long-term relationships, shared goals and values are like your GPS. They help you navigate the road ahead and keep you both heading in the same direction. And it’s not just about the big stuff like marriage and kids, it’s also about the day-to-day things. You know, like how you handle conflict, your attitudes towards money, and whether pineapple on pizza is delightful or a culinary catastrophe (hint: it’s delightful).

Next up, the big ‘M’ – Marriage. Ah, marriage, the ultimate destination for many Christian couples. Now you may be thinking, “Why wait for sex?” Well, I’ll tell you why. Because waiting can be a powerful bonding experience. It’s about making a shared commitment to honor God and each other. It’s about building anticipation and deepening emotional intimacy before stepping into physical intimacy. As Hebrews 13:4 tells us, “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled.” It’s about embracing the beauty of God’s design for sex.

FURTHER READ: Christian Dating Advice for Guys

And finally, let’s talk about building a strong foundation for a future family. Think of your relationship as a house. Sexual purity, shared values, mutual respect, and open communication are the bricks that build a strong foundation. A foundation that will not only support you both but also any cute little mini-mes in the future. Remember, just as Matthew 7:25 says, “The rain fell, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on rock.”

Sailing into the Sunset: A Word of Encouragement

Well, that’s quite a journey we’ve embarked on together, isn’t it? We’ve navigated through choppy waters, weathered a few storms, and hopefully learned some valuable lessons along the way. But as we sail into the sunset, it’s time to pause and reflect on the distance we’ve covered.

We’ve explored the Christian perspective on premarital sex, empathized with the struggles of sexual desire, and learned the importance of maintaining boundaries. We’ve looked at the role of emotional and spiritual intimacy, discussed practical tips to manage sexual tension, and highlighted the importance of shared values in a relationship.

But at the end of the day, remember this – every journey, every struggle, every challenge is an opportunity for growth, an invitation to lean into God’s grace. It’s a chance to strengthen your faith, deepen your relationship, and ultimately draw closer to God. So, hold tight to your convictions, extend grace to your partner, and keep pressing on.

FURTHER READ: Why Christians Find It So Hard To Find Love

Navigating through a Christian dating relationship isn’t easy, especially when the waters of sexual tension are churning. But remember that God is with you in the midst of the storm, offering guidance, strength, and peace. And let’s not forget, as Romans 8:28 reminds us, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

So, here’s to faith, love, and a bit of patience! You’re not alone in this journey. Keep rowing, keep praying, and keep trusting in God’s perfect timing. And always remember, the best stories have the most unexpected plot twists.

God bless, Amen.

Frequently Asked Questions

How can I explain my commitment to sexual purity to my boyfriend?

Explaining your commitment to sexual purity to your boyfriend requires openness, honesty, and clarity. You can explain to him that your commitment to sexual purity is a personal decision deeply rooted in your faith and your understanding of God’s design for relationships and marriage. It might help to share relevant Bible passages that underpin your beliefs, such as 1 Corinthians 6:18-20 or 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5.

Is it wrong to have sexual desires in a Christian relationship?

Absolutely not. Sexual desire is a natural human instinct created by God. It’s not something to be ashamed of or guilty about. What the Bible guides us on is how we act on these desires. In a Christian relationship, it encourages us to reserve sexual intimacy for the covenant of marriage.

What can I do if my boyfriend doesn’t respect my boundaries?

If your boyfriend doesn’t respect your boundaries, it’s crucial to have a serious discussion about it. Communicate your feelings and concerns clearly and assertively. If he continues to disrespect your boundaries, you may need to reconsider if the relationship is right for you. A healthy relationship requires mutual respect and understanding.

How can I support my boyfriend in his struggle with sexual desires?

You can support your boyfriend by empathizing with his struggles and maintaining open, honest communication. Share words of encouragement, pray together, and find helpful resources such as books or counseling that address this issue from a Christian perspective. Importantly, be firm and consistent in upholding your boundaries.

What resources are available for Christian couples dealing with this issue?

There are several resources available for Christian couples dealing with this issue. Many Christian books tackle the topic of sexual purity and navigating sexual desires, like “Passion and Purity” by Elisabeth Elliot or “Every Young Man’s Battle” by Stephen Arterburn and Fred Stoeker. Online platforms and local churches also offer counseling services, seminars, and workshops for Christian couples.

What role can our church or spiritual leaders play in helping us?

Church or spiritual leaders can provide valuable guidance and support. They can offer biblical insights, practical advice, and pastoral care. They can also lead or recommend supportive groups or workshops that can provide a safe space to discuss these issues with other Christian couples facing similar challenges.

Can professional counseling help us navigate this issue?

Yes, professional counseling, particularly with a counselor who respects and understands your Christian beliefs, can be very beneficial. Counselors can provide tools and strategies to help manage sexual desires, improve communication, and strengthen your relationship.

How can we strengthen our relationship without engaging in sexual activity?

You can strengthen your relationship by focusing on emotional and spiritual intimacy. Spend quality time together, pray and worship together, engage in meaningful conversations, and participate in shared activities that you both enjoy. Developing a deeper understanding and appreciation of each other’s character, values, and spiritual walk can create a strong foundation for your relationship.