Memorial Day Survival Guide for Long-Distance Military Lovers

If you’re here, my guess is that you know what it’s like to have your heart stretched across miles—maybe by choice, maybe not, but definitely by love.

Military life isn’t just uniforms and homecomings. Sometimes, it’s missing the wild, ordinary moments, and sometimes, it’s watching the world wave flags when all you want is to hug your person tight.

Memorial Day shows up with all its parades, cookouts, and red-white-and-blue everything—but for military couples, especially those in long-distance relationships, there’s a whole lot more going on under the surface.

Let’s talk about the pride. The kind that swells in your chest because the person you love has chosen something bigger than themselves. But yes, let’s also talk about the aching gaps. The days that feel endless, the nights when you clutch your phone like a lifeline, and those complicated moments when pride and pain crash into each other.

If you ever feel like your story is both invisible and enormous on days like this, you are seen. You’re not alone in it. I want us to walk through all the layers together—and maybe find some gentle ways to bridge the miles, even just a little.

An evocative image of a woman honoring both pride and pain in a long-distance military relationship on Memorial Day, captured at her kitchen table surrounded by intimate details.

Table of Contents

The Two Faces of Memorial Day: Pride and Pain

When Memorial Day rolls around, everyone’s supposed to feel united—community picnics, “thank you for your service” banners, the whole deal. Yet if you’re loving someone far away in service, the holiday pulls you in two directions at once.

Pride is fierce. You see your partner’s sacrifice, and sometimes, it keeps you going. There’s a sweetness in telling their story—or maybe just knowing it.
Pain makes an appearance at the same party. Missing someone isn’t less genuine just because there’s a flag flying out front. And grief doesn’t knock first—sometimes it bursts in while you’re standing in line for ice cream.

You might hear well-meaning words—“I could never do what you do,” or “You must be so strong.” And yeah, strength is there, but it sits right beside missing birthdays, whispered goodnights to an empty room, and that gnawing worry you rarely admit out loud.

Questions that swirl in your mind:

Why do I feel guilty when I enjoy the day and my partner’s not here?
How do I honor what they do without feeling like I’m drowning?

There’s no one way to hold all this. Think of how C.S. Lewis wrote about grief—it’s like an invisible blanket you carry everywhere. Only in your case, it can feel woven with pride, longing, and sometimes, a little anger at the miles.

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Navigating Memorial Day Traditions—Your Way

Honestly, there’s no blueprint for how to “do” Memorial Day right as a long-distance military couple. You might want to dive into all the traditions, or you might keep your head down and just get through it. Either is okay.

Ideas that might speak to you:

Start your own small tradition: A video call at a set time, a Spotify playlist you can both add to, or sharing a recipe you make “together”—even if you’re on opposite sides of the world.
Write something down: Maybe a letter to your partner, maybe a note to yourself. Words have the power to connect when phone calls aren’t possible.
Connect with others who get it: There’s something healing about talking to friends who don’t need background explanations. Military communities—online or in person—can be that soft landing.
Let the emotions be what they are: That mix of pride and pain? It’s real. Give yourself permission to feel without editing.
Be part of something bigger (if you want): Volunteer at a local event, even if your heart’s not fully in it. Sometimes community lifts you up when you didn’t expect it.

“Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow.’” – Mary Anne Radmacher

It’s okay if your Memorial Day looks different every year. It’s okay if you honor your journey in a way that nobody else understands.

Creative Ways to Stay Connected Across the Miles

Staying connected in a long-distance military relationship isn’t just about counting down days; it’s about creating closeness every chance you get. The best part? It doesn’t always have to be a grand gesture. Let’s explore some ideas—because maybe one will spark that little bit of joy you need, especially on heavy days like Memorial Day.

Little Rituals, Big Impact

Goodnight and good morning texts: They sound simple, but they turn ordinary moments into reminders that you’re together in spirit—even if you’re hundreds or thousands of miles apart.
Shared journals or notebooks: Write a bit and then mail it back and forth. It’s slow, it’s a little old school, and it feels like a time capsule of your journey together.
Snapshot challenges: Each of you sends a photo of something from your day. Could be your lunch, the sky, what made you laugh, or even your messy hair. Over time, these snapshots build a story.

Getting Creative with Technology

Virtual movie nights: Press play at the same time or use apps that sync streaming. You can text or call while watching—not quite the same as holding hands, but sometimes it’s those little shared laughs from across time zones that remind you you’re still a team.
Online games or puzzles: Maybe you’re not a gamer, but games give you a reason to laugh together and even be silly. Find something low-pressure and fun (think trivia apps, word games, or even a quick match of something goofy).
Open a shared playlist on Spotify or YouTube: Add songs that remind you of each other, of home, or of adventures you want to have someday. Turn up the volume, and boom—instant time travel to a memory only the two of you share.

Mail Matters—Yes, Really

There’s something about receiving a handwritten letter, a silly postcard, or even a surprise care package. It’s not about what’s in the box or on the card—it’s that they thought of you. Even if you cry happy tears (totally normal, by the way), those letters become treasures you reach for on the loneliest days.

“Absence is to love what wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small, it inflames the great.” – Camillo Benso di Cavour

Celebrate in Your Own Way

Memorial Day can make the miles feel extra long, so why not plan your own celebration? Maybe you both write down what you’re proud of in the other, or toast with the same drink—even if your “cheers” happens over a shaky video call. Little rituals become your anchor.

Never Underestimate “Normal”

Sometimes, just talking about regular stuff—annoying coworkers, what you made for dinner, your latest Wordle score—makes it feel less like you’re apart. It’s not about always saying something profound. It’s about letting your guard down and letting your partner into your every day.

Pro-Tip: Schedule “boring” check-ins. “Tell me something random from today.” You’ll be surprised how close it makes you feel.

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Handling Hard Conversations and Navigating the Tough Stuff

Not every day is full of flags and fanfare. If you’re like most long-distance military couples, you’ve probably run into conversations that feel like walking on eggshells. Maybe you worry about saying the wrong thing, or you don’t want to add to your partner’s stress. You’re not alone in that.

Opening the Door to Honesty

A lot of people imagine you’re strong all the time. And yes, you are—but that doesn’t mean you have to keep it all bottled up. In fact, the couples who last? They’re the ones who let themselves be real, even when it’s messy.

Say it out loud: “Today is hard,” or “I wish you were here.” Sometimes just naming it takes away some of the weight.
Share how Memorial Day feels for you: Is your pride tinged with worry? Does the day bring up old memories you wish you could share?
Ask your partner, “How is this day for you?” Sometimes, they need to hear you ask, even if they don’t have all the words yet.

When Words Run Out

It’s okay if you don’t have the perfect thing to say. Sometimes, just listening is enough. In fact, a lot of military folks are used to “fixing” things or “pushing through.” But what they sometimes crave most is someone who lets them be human—not just a hero.

Let silence be safe: The quiet after, “I miss you,” doesn’t have to be filled.
Offer comfort, not solutions: “I’m here. I love you. I’m proud of you.” That’s sometimes all anyone needs to hold on to.

Saying the Hard Stuff

If the miles are getting to you, it doesn’t mean you’re failing or not supportive enough. Love doesn’t disappear when you admit you’re struggling. Having space for honesty is actually a gift to both of you.

Some ways you might start these conversations:

“I know you’re doing something incredible, but some days, it’s really tough here without you. Can we talk about it?”
“Memorial Day brings up a lot for me. Can I share some of those feelings with you?”
“What helps you get through days like this? Maybe we can find something that works for both of us.”

As Mister Rogers once said, “Anything that’s human is mentionable, and anything that is mentionable can be more manageable.”

Weaving In Humor and Joy

Sometimes you have to laugh so you don’t cry. Inside jokes, funny gifs, silly voice messages—these tiny acts remind both of you that your relationship is more than just surviving the miles.

Rewatching a cringe-worthy movie at the same time.
Sending each other memes that only the two of you understand.

It’s not about erasing the seriousness of your situation. It’s about giving yourselves permission to find joy in the cracks.

Taking Care of Yourself: The Anchor You Didn’t Know You Needed

If you’re in a long-distance military relationship, it’s easy to put your own needs on the back burner. Maybe you feel guilty when you take a break from worrying or miss a call because you’re out living your life. The thing is, you can’t pour from an empty cup. Self-care isn’t selfish—it’s survival. Showing up for yourself is also a way of showing up for them.

Easy-to-Forgive, Hard-to-Forget Tips

Give yourself credit: Some days, getting out of bed is a win. Celebrate little victories—even if nobody else can see them.
Lower the “should” bar: There is no perfect way to love at a distance. You may skip a video call or forget a holiday. That’s okay.
Find small comforts: A favorite mug, a playlist, a sunset walk—simple comforts add up.
Practice saying “no”: You’re allowed to skip gatherings or conversations that drain you, especially when emotions run high.
Reach for help when you need it: Friends, online communities, and even professional counselors can make all the difference. There are people who genuinely get it.

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” – Buddha

Love Is Selfless

The Power of Your Support System

Being tough doesn’t mean being alone. Sometimes you need people who hold you up, not just pat you on the back and say, “Be strong.” It’s okay to lean on others—let them in on the rough days and the proud ones, too.

Who’s in your corner?

Family members who understand the bittersweet pride in your heart.
Friends who listen instead of offering quick fixes.
Online groups made of strangers who become family over time.
Someone who makes you laugh at just the right moment.

A Quick Check-in Table (for You!)

Feeling Today	Permission Slip	What Might Help
Overwhelmed	It’s okay to say “I’m not okay”	Take a quiet break
Lonely	You’re allowed to reach out	Text a friend, join a group
Proud but hurting	Both can exist at once	Write a letter, journal
Numb	Your feelings matter, even the hard ones	Do one comforting thing
Hopeful	Let yourself enjoy this feeling—no guilt	Share the hope with your partner

Small check-ins like this can help you catch your breath.

You’re doing something brave by loving someone far away, especially in the military. Pride and pain can sit together at your table, especially on days like Memorial Day. I hope you always remember—your feelings are real, valid, and important.

Let yourself hold all the feelings, reach for connection in little ways, and never be afraid to take care of yourself, too. You are more resilient than you think—but it’s okay to lean, cry, laugh, and love from miles away.

If you want to talk more about anything here, or need extra suggestions, just ask. And if no one’s told you lately—you’re doing an amazing job, and your heart is seen.